As my initial entry into this blog, I thought it appropriate to discuss the central theme and name of said blog: Hold Fast.
1 Nephi 8. We born-in-the-covenant LDS folk practically knee-jerk a response: "Oh the Tree of Life vision!" Yes, the Tree of Life vision, as iterated by Lehi and transcribed by his son Nephi, who later went on to clarify the symbolism in his father's original dream. I come to this chapter after some musings as I was driving in my car, thinking in the shower, or goofing off at work.
Originally, the thoughts had come during a discussion I had in the ALL group in Phoenix, which stands for Arizona LDS LGBT. There was a scripture study session one Sunday evening at Johnathan and Rachel Manwaring's house, for which I drove all the way up from Tucson to attend. I've been doing this quite a bit actually in the past year, driving all the way up for a two hour shindig, then driving all the way back to Tucson in the same evening. Yeah, I'm a little crazy.
Anyway, they were discussing the Tree of Life. Let me explain what we discussed.
1 Nephi 8:24, 28 - "...and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree...And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed...and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost."
Interesting. A group that is holding to the Iron Rod, which we of course understand to be the Word of God, as Nephi later tells us. but later that group falls away. Let's read on.
1 Nephi 8:30 - "...and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree."
Interesting. These people apparently held to the Rod...but didn't fall away.
What's the difference? Here's where things get interesting, and where the theme of this blog begins. I think the operative words that distinguish between these two groups of people are "clinging" and "holding fast."
What's the difference between these two phrases? Clinging feels like it has a kind of negative connotation, right? Someone that's clingy is not someone you would want to be in a relationship with. Let's see if Google can help out. I would've used a slightly more trustworthy source, but surprisingly, Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com only had noun definitions of "holdfast," no verb definitions.
Okay. "Cling." Adhered or stuck firmly to, can't be pulled apart, persistently or stubbornly faithful; there could even be an element of over-dependence on it, whatever "it" is.
Let's move to "hold fast."
What's the difference in these two phrases? They both share a common meaning of being held or secured tightly. But the subtle, yet profound difference is in their subsequent meanings. That subtle difference is an entirely different world paradigm between groups A and B in the Tree of Life vision.
I am of the opinion that group A, those who "clung" to the Rod, were busy "white-knuckling" it, which is the phrase used by Rachel Manwaring in our discussion that Sunday evening in Phoenix. Once they got to the Tree of Life, they looked out the window, and what did they see? No, not popcorn popping on the apricot tree. Instead, they felt like they totally missed out. And you know what? They were totally right. They completely missed the point. They were so glued to the Rod, so dependent on the Rod, that they couldn't take their eyes off it for one second.
Let me ask this. Millions of people are wandering in the mists of darkness. How are they supposed to find the Rod of Iron? Are we supposed to simply call to them, "Hey, over here!"? Lehi did that at the Tree of Life...but only to his family, and that was before the mists of darkness arose. As far as we know, he didn't call out to anyone else. So who knows what thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, or billions of voices were screaming at the lost ones to look another direction - most notably the great and spacious building! If our eyes are so fixated on the Rod, when are we going to actually be able to help those around us? When are we actually going to bring others to the gospel?
I think it is instructive to bring in another oft-used symbol in the gospel, that of Light. Aren't we supposed to "let our light so shine before men, that they may see our good works?" Can our own light not guide us through the mists of darkness as we go out and find people?
That's the difference between clinging and holding fast to the Rod of Iron. Those of us that go outside ourselves and leave the Rod, fully holding fast to, or "continuing to believe in or adhere to the idea or principle" of the Rod will truly feel unashamed when they arrive at the Tree of Life. Those that cling, that so desperately depend on the absolute and unquestioning "MUST BE" of the gospel completely miss the point: the point is to go out and bring others to the Rod of Iron.
And let us further expand. Nephi later tells us, and we have a hymn about it, that the Iron Rod is "the Word of God." If we consider John the Beloved's lovely concept of what or who the "Word" is in his opening verse of his Gospel, he tells us that the "Word was God," and later that "the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us." The Word is Christ, not just simply the scriptures. We must leave our comfortable Rod of Iron and bring others to Christ.
But how can we leave the Rod? Are we leaving Christ? We can't leave Christ.
Actually, I think, to put off childish things and become as an adult in this gospel and partake of the meat, and no longer just the milk, we must leave. We must let go. We must trust in our own Light, and hold fast to Christ's gospel. A child cannot live with his parents forever. And spiritually, a child depends on their parents' testimonies, until at some point in their lives, they realize they can't depend on it anymore. We, as spirit children, to become as our Heavenly Parents are, could not stay in Their presence without being cast out and passing through mortality. Finally, I think it is instructive and vital to understand that a test of our budding faith is to trust that if we go into the mists of darkness to find others, we will find the way back.
We can't just hope people come find us at the Rod. We have to go to them, which necessarily means letting go of the Rod for a time, and journeying to where they are. The Savior did it. He descended below all things. He voluntarily cast himself into the river of filth, so he could know how to find us. And He had perfect faith He would get back.
In my inaugural year as a gay member of the church, I experienced just a piece of all this. I could've stopped going to church. In fact, the first week after I finally came out to myself, they were talking about marriage, and I felt a pang. And it didn't feel good. It hurt. And yet...I kept going. And I slowly starting piecing together my testimony. And I realized...I had been clinging to the Rod this whole time. What a fool. I felt for so long that it all NEEDED TO BE TRUE. It MUST be true. IT HAS TO BE.
And it is. The gospel, in its perfect form, is perfect. Christ was perfect.
But honestly? That is ALL that is, was, or will ever be, perfect in the church, at least in this mortal realm. Christ's perfect gospel is given to us only line upon line, and those small lines are filtered through many layers of imperfect persons, including prophets. I mean think about it: even with the Book of Mormon, the "most correct book on earth," you have Alma who probably received some revelation imperfectly, whose words were probably imperfectly transcribed and abridged by Mormon, whose abridgment was probably imperfectly translated by Joseph Smith. Add in another slightly imperfect translation to another language from English, and you have FOUR layers of imperfect humans just providing the scriptural text before YOU, as another imperfect human, now read and study it. In fact, I just read the verses quoted above in Spanish. They use the same words for both "cling" and "hold fast:" "asidos." Technically, they say "asidos" versus "asidos constantemente," meaning "constantly" clinging or holding to. But you see? As far as I can tell, in just one translation, the subtle nuances of the two English phrases are flattened, and the whole point of this article goes up in smoke.
Our understanding of the gospel is so imperfect. Because of that, everything is actually up for debate. And that's why I feel fine dating men. I've studied enough, come to my own conclusions, taken the scriptures that are most pertinent to the topic and really dissected them, and realized...I was clinging to an interpretation of the scriptures that I don't believe in. And as I realized that, and started releasing my clinging grip on the Rod of Iron, that was when my faith grew that there was a way back. I don't know the whole way yet. But I have perfect faith now that there is a way back, because I've taken a few simple steps that have proven to bring me personally closer to Christ than anything I've ever done. Yes, including my mission. Who'd've thunk that being gay would increase my testimony?
I feel no guilt for choosing to date men. I feel a little frustrated to be sure, because I really don't know how to date, but I feel no guilt.
I ask: Are you of the opinion that it is just antithetical to be "actively" gay and LDS? Are you constantly defending your testimony with "Yeah, but D&C 132...or Sodom and Gomorrah...or modern prophets..." Or could you listen to a gay teenager and say, "I don't know the answer...but there is an answer somewhere. Let's find it together."? That's the difference between clinging and holding fast.
Seriously consider: Do you fall into group A or B? Do you cling to the Rod? Are you dependent on it? Or do you hold fast to it? Do you have faith that it will still be there, and that you will find your way back, as you wrestle with the doubts and struggles of others?
You will find that the gospel is far more interesting when you learn to slowly, but surely, let go and find someone else to bring back to the Rod of Iron. Just remember to hold fast.
1 Nephi 8. We born-in-the-covenant LDS folk practically knee-jerk a response: "Oh the Tree of Life vision!" Yes, the Tree of Life vision, as iterated by Lehi and transcribed by his son Nephi, who later went on to clarify the symbolism in his father's original dream. I come to this chapter after some musings as I was driving in my car, thinking in the shower, or goofing off at work.
Originally, the thoughts had come during a discussion I had in the ALL group in Phoenix, which stands for Arizona LDS LGBT. There was a scripture study session one Sunday evening at Johnathan and Rachel Manwaring's house, for which I drove all the way up from Tucson to attend. I've been doing this quite a bit actually in the past year, driving all the way up for a two hour shindig, then driving all the way back to Tucson in the same evening. Yeah, I'm a little crazy.
Anyway, they were discussing the Tree of Life. Let me explain what we discussed.
1 Nephi 8:24, 28 - "...and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree...And after they had tasted of the fruit they were ashamed...and they fell away into forbidden paths and were lost."
Interesting. A group that is holding to the Iron Rod, which we of course understand to be the Word of God, as Nephi later tells us. but later that group falls away. Let's read on.
1 Nephi 8:30 - "...and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree."
Interesting. These people apparently held to the Rod...but didn't fall away.
What's the difference? Here's where things get interesting, and where the theme of this blog begins. I think the operative words that distinguish between these two groups of people are "clinging" and "holding fast."
What's the difference between these two phrases? Clinging feels like it has a kind of negative connotation, right? Someone that's clingy is not someone you would want to be in a relationship with. Let's see if Google can help out. I would've used a slightly more trustworthy source, but surprisingly, Merriam-Webster and Dictionary.com only had noun definitions of "holdfast," no verb definitions.
cling
kliNG/
Okay. "Cling." Adhered or stuck firmly to, can't be pulled apart, persistently or stubbornly faithful; there could even be an element of over-dependence on it, whatever "it" is.
Let's move to "hold fast."
hold fast
phrase of hold
- 1.remain tightly secured.
"the door held fast, obviously locked"
What's the difference in these two phrases? They both share a common meaning of being held or secured tightly. But the subtle, yet profound difference is in their subsequent meanings. That subtle difference is an entirely different world paradigm between groups A and B in the Tree of Life vision.
I am of the opinion that group A, those who "clung" to the Rod, were busy "white-knuckling" it, which is the phrase used by Rachel Manwaring in our discussion that Sunday evening in Phoenix. Once they got to the Tree of Life, they looked out the window, and what did they see? No, not popcorn popping on the apricot tree. Instead, they felt like they totally missed out. And you know what? They were totally right. They completely missed the point. They were so glued to the Rod, so dependent on the Rod, that they couldn't take their eyes off it for one second.
Let me ask this. Millions of people are wandering in the mists of darkness. How are they supposed to find the Rod of Iron? Are we supposed to simply call to them, "Hey, over here!"? Lehi did that at the Tree of Life...but only to his family, and that was before the mists of darkness arose. As far as we know, he didn't call out to anyone else. So who knows what thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, or billions of voices were screaming at the lost ones to look another direction - most notably the great and spacious building! If our eyes are so fixated on the Rod, when are we going to actually be able to help those around us? When are we actually going to bring others to the gospel?
I think it is instructive to bring in another oft-used symbol in the gospel, that of Light. Aren't we supposed to "let our light so shine before men, that they may see our good works?" Can our own light not guide us through the mists of darkness as we go out and find people?
That's the difference between clinging and holding fast to the Rod of Iron. Those of us that go outside ourselves and leave the Rod, fully holding fast to, or "continuing to believe in or adhere to the idea or principle" of the Rod will truly feel unashamed when they arrive at the Tree of Life. Those that cling, that so desperately depend on the absolute and unquestioning "MUST BE" of the gospel completely miss the point: the point is to go out and bring others to the Rod of Iron.
And let us further expand. Nephi later tells us, and we have a hymn about it, that the Iron Rod is "the Word of God." If we consider John the Beloved's lovely concept of what or who the "Word" is in his opening verse of his Gospel, he tells us that the "Word was God," and later that "the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us." The Word is Christ, not just simply the scriptures. We must leave our comfortable Rod of Iron and bring others to Christ.
But how can we leave the Rod? Are we leaving Christ? We can't leave Christ.
Actually, I think, to put off childish things and become as an adult in this gospel and partake of the meat, and no longer just the milk, we must leave. We must let go. We must trust in our own Light, and hold fast to Christ's gospel. A child cannot live with his parents forever. And spiritually, a child depends on their parents' testimonies, until at some point in their lives, they realize they can't depend on it anymore. We, as spirit children, to become as our Heavenly Parents are, could not stay in Their presence without being cast out and passing through mortality. Finally, I think it is instructive and vital to understand that a test of our budding faith is to trust that if we go into the mists of darkness to find others, we will find the way back.
We can't just hope people come find us at the Rod. We have to go to them, which necessarily means letting go of the Rod for a time, and journeying to where they are. The Savior did it. He descended below all things. He voluntarily cast himself into the river of filth, so he could know how to find us. And He had perfect faith He would get back.
In my inaugural year as a gay member of the church, I experienced just a piece of all this. I could've stopped going to church. In fact, the first week after I finally came out to myself, they were talking about marriage, and I felt a pang. And it didn't feel good. It hurt. And yet...I kept going. And I slowly starting piecing together my testimony. And I realized...I had been clinging to the Rod this whole time. What a fool. I felt for so long that it all NEEDED TO BE TRUE. It MUST be true. IT HAS TO BE.
And it is. The gospel, in its perfect form, is perfect. Christ was perfect.
But honestly? That is ALL that is, was, or will ever be, perfect in the church, at least in this mortal realm. Christ's perfect gospel is given to us only line upon line, and those small lines are filtered through many layers of imperfect persons, including prophets. I mean think about it: even with the Book of Mormon, the "most correct book on earth," you have Alma who probably received some revelation imperfectly, whose words were probably imperfectly transcribed and abridged by Mormon, whose abridgment was probably imperfectly translated by Joseph Smith. Add in another slightly imperfect translation to another language from English, and you have FOUR layers of imperfect humans just providing the scriptural text before YOU, as another imperfect human, now read and study it. In fact, I just read the verses quoted above in Spanish. They use the same words for both "cling" and "hold fast:" "asidos." Technically, they say "asidos" versus "asidos constantemente," meaning "constantly" clinging or holding to. But you see? As far as I can tell, in just one translation, the subtle nuances of the two English phrases are flattened, and the whole point of this article goes up in smoke.
Our understanding of the gospel is so imperfect. Because of that, everything is actually up for debate. And that's why I feel fine dating men. I've studied enough, come to my own conclusions, taken the scriptures that are most pertinent to the topic and really dissected them, and realized...I was clinging to an interpretation of the scriptures that I don't believe in. And as I realized that, and started releasing my clinging grip on the Rod of Iron, that was when my faith grew that there was a way back. I don't know the whole way yet. But I have perfect faith now that there is a way back, because I've taken a few simple steps that have proven to bring me personally closer to Christ than anything I've ever done. Yes, including my mission. Who'd've thunk that being gay would increase my testimony?
I feel no guilt for choosing to date men. I feel a little frustrated to be sure, because I really don't know how to date, but I feel no guilt.
I ask: Are you of the opinion that it is just antithetical to be "actively" gay and LDS? Are you constantly defending your testimony with "Yeah, but D&C 132...or Sodom and Gomorrah...or modern prophets..." Or could you listen to a gay teenager and say, "I don't know the answer...but there is an answer somewhere. Let's find it together."? That's the difference between clinging and holding fast.
Seriously consider: Do you fall into group A or B? Do you cling to the Rod? Are you dependent on it? Or do you hold fast to it? Do you have faith that it will still be there, and that you will find your way back, as you wrestle with the doubts and struggles of others?
You will find that the gospel is far more interesting when you learn to slowly, but surely, let go and find someone else to bring back to the Rod of Iron. Just remember to hold fast.
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