In the past 18 months since my personal 'self-revelations' about my sexuality, I've come to intimately understand the Atonement in a way that I haven't before. The Adam and Eve story perfectly illustrates what I've learned. Let me explain.
Adam and Eve were given a circumstance of their existence. That is, they were 'born,' more or less, into the Garden of Eden - wonderful, paradisaical, perfect, but spiritually limiting, notwithstanding their privilege of face-to-face communication with the Father. In this perfect circumstance, the Father gave them two very famous, but contradictory commandments:
1. Multiply and replenish the earth, which was impossible in their current circumstance.
2. Do not partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (goodness, so much passive voice in that name).
While they complied with 2, they could not comply with 1. And so, they made a choice at a critical moment, ate of the fruit, breaking commandment 2, so they could comply with 1.
It is interesting then, that the Father promises to provide a Savior. They chose to break a commandment given their perfect circumstances of living in the Garden, so they could fulfill another. But because they chose to break it, it was required that someone pay the price for that choice, i.e. a Savior.
At first glance, it seems almost ridiculous that the Father would give contradictory commandments, if you think about it. He can't tell us to do one thing, then tell us to do another which causes us to break the first! That's entrapment! And I agree. It would be, if there wasn't a plan B. Hence, the Savior. The Father gave Adam and Eve a set of circumstances which became contradictory commandments, then provided the way out.
Now let me extrapolate.
We choose most things that we do, are, or become in this life. But there are exceptions. Those exceptions I would call the 'circumstances' we are given, similar to Adam and Eve. Some are born into wealth, others into poverty. Some are born male, female, and a select few are born somewhere in between. Some are born with the gospel already entrenched in the family, some are born into an area where eastern philosophy is the dominant theology.
Some of these circumstances simply develop or happen: Lady Luck deals us a bad hand and our small business goes down; our significant other cheats on us for no particular reason other than their amour is particularly seductive; a horrible natural disaster robs us of our loved ones.
Wherever you believe 'being gay' lies in the nature vs. nurture spectrum, or in other words, being 'born into' vs. 'developing' the circumstance of our sexuality, to us LGB folk (the T is a different circumstance, so I can't speak to that), it is nonetheless a circumstance. It is the hand we were dealt at this point in our life. This is our Garden of Eden reality.
At the moment, as with Adam and Eve, it feels we are given contradictory commandments, given our circumstance:
1. Marry heterosexually for eternity, which, I'll be honest, feels about as impossible as multiplying and replenishing the earth initially felt for Adam and Eve. The other possibility for compliance to this commandment is to remain completely celibate for this life, which also, at this point in my life, feels...totally impossible.
2. Find and marry or remain with a partner we are attracted to, with whom, as circumstance would have it...we can't biologically multiply and replenish the earth. And if we choose this option, we are breaking a commandment, as presently understood in our collective theology.
The circumstance of our sexuality prevents us from complying with 1 (okay, maybe bisexual people can comply with it, but you get my point). But our theology (as presently understood) prevents us from complying with 2.
Now, you may be saying: But God doesn't want you to be in a gay relationship. I will just say this from my personal testimony: I DO NOT feel that God has told me that being in a relationship with another guy is against His will. So, take it or leave it, that's what I feel, and I believe I can speak for many other LGB people in and out of the church when I say that's what most of us feel. Regardless of what YOU, meaning a heterosexual, by-the-books member of the church, think God wants for us, our personal revelation has told us what I iterated above.
I believe it is now given to me to choose. But I don't believe choosing one or the other constitutes a good or bad choice. Rather, I believe that simply being presented with a spiritually contradictory choice was necessary, so that I would truly turn to Someone else and say, "Um...help?" As with the Adam and Eve story, the Father provided the Savior for this express purpose. Adam and Eve could not initially progress eternally...and they HAD TO break a commandment before they could continue their progression. They simply had to focus on the Savior from that point forward.
Speaking from my own experience, while my reliance or testimony of church leaders, general conference talks, or church policies has SIGNIFICANTLY gone down...I've had to simply focus on Christ and the Atonement. I think it was necessary for me to have a true personal belief in central aspects of the gospel, so that, when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, I was then given a contradiction: choose the church and my faith or choose to have a relationship with someone I'm attracted to. Either choose to be alone for this life (in other words, be celibate), or choose to be alone for eternity (because I will break a commandment and cannot be in God's presence).
And I thought, "I can't believe I'm given these options. This is completely unfair." Which is why a Savior was provided. It is all 'swallowed up' in Christ, as the scriptures say. Christ isn't forcing us to "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" the bitter cup. This isn't some kind of spiritual frat party! The Atonement, rather, is about learning to empty our bitter cup into Christ's. I needed a horrible contradiction of circumstances and commandments to realize what it means to 'rely' on the Atonement. There are bitter cups in both options for me: loneliness for this life or loneliness for eternity. I can't accept either option. Whether it's just stubbornness or lack of faith, I just can't accept either. So instead, I will turn to the Third Option and simply empty both bitter cups into Christ's and accept His requirements. And you know what? It's removed my personal guilt, shame, and demeaning self-worth that I had. It's still tough at church to be sure, surrounded by others who honestly feel my only option is to chug the bitter cup and remain celibate, but the important thing is I know what Christ wants me to do. I can be in a relationship, and experience that wonderful part of this life...but only if I help others realize that they also need to empty their bitter cups into Christ's, just like I am learning to do. And I am totally cool with that.
Adam and Eve were given a circumstance of their existence. That is, they were 'born,' more or less, into the Garden of Eden - wonderful, paradisaical, perfect, but spiritually limiting, notwithstanding their privilege of face-to-face communication with the Father. In this perfect circumstance, the Father gave them two very famous, but contradictory commandments:
1. Multiply and replenish the earth, which was impossible in their current circumstance.
2. Do not partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (goodness, so much passive voice in that name).
While they complied with 2, they could not comply with 1. And so, they made a choice at a critical moment, ate of the fruit, breaking commandment 2, so they could comply with 1.
It is interesting then, that the Father promises to provide a Savior. They chose to break a commandment given their perfect circumstances of living in the Garden, so they could fulfill another. But because they chose to break it, it was required that someone pay the price for that choice, i.e. a Savior.
At first glance, it seems almost ridiculous that the Father would give contradictory commandments, if you think about it. He can't tell us to do one thing, then tell us to do another which causes us to break the first! That's entrapment! And I agree. It would be, if there wasn't a plan B. Hence, the Savior. The Father gave Adam and Eve a set of circumstances which became contradictory commandments, then provided the way out.
Now let me extrapolate.
We choose most things that we do, are, or become in this life. But there are exceptions. Those exceptions I would call the 'circumstances' we are given, similar to Adam and Eve. Some are born into wealth, others into poverty. Some are born male, female, and a select few are born somewhere in between. Some are born with the gospel already entrenched in the family, some are born into an area where eastern philosophy is the dominant theology.
Some of these circumstances simply develop or happen: Lady Luck deals us a bad hand and our small business goes down; our significant other cheats on us for no particular reason other than their amour is particularly seductive; a horrible natural disaster robs us of our loved ones.
Wherever you believe 'being gay' lies in the nature vs. nurture spectrum, or in other words, being 'born into' vs. 'developing' the circumstance of our sexuality, to us LGB folk (the T is a different circumstance, so I can't speak to that), it is nonetheless a circumstance. It is the hand we were dealt at this point in our life. This is our Garden of Eden reality.
At the moment, as with Adam and Eve, it feels we are given contradictory commandments, given our circumstance:
1. Marry heterosexually for eternity, which, I'll be honest, feels about as impossible as multiplying and replenishing the earth initially felt for Adam and Eve. The other possibility for compliance to this commandment is to remain completely celibate for this life, which also, at this point in my life, feels...totally impossible.
2. Find and marry or remain with a partner we are attracted to, with whom, as circumstance would have it...we can't biologically multiply and replenish the earth. And if we choose this option, we are breaking a commandment, as presently understood in our collective theology.
The circumstance of our sexuality prevents us from complying with 1 (okay, maybe bisexual people can comply with it, but you get my point). But our theology (as presently understood) prevents us from complying with 2.
Now, you may be saying: But God doesn't want you to be in a gay relationship. I will just say this from my personal testimony: I DO NOT feel that God has told me that being in a relationship with another guy is against His will. So, take it or leave it, that's what I feel, and I believe I can speak for many other LGB people in and out of the church when I say that's what most of us feel. Regardless of what YOU, meaning a heterosexual, by-the-books member of the church, think God wants for us, our personal revelation has told us what I iterated above.
I believe it is now given to me to choose. But I don't believe choosing one or the other constitutes a good or bad choice. Rather, I believe that simply being presented with a spiritually contradictory choice was necessary, so that I would truly turn to Someone else and say, "Um...help?" As with the Adam and Eve story, the Father provided the Savior for this express purpose. Adam and Eve could not initially progress eternally...and they HAD TO break a commandment before they could continue their progression. They simply had to focus on the Savior from that point forward.
Speaking from my own experience, while my reliance or testimony of church leaders, general conference talks, or church policies has SIGNIFICANTLY gone down...I've had to simply focus on Christ and the Atonement. I think it was necessary for me to have a true personal belief in central aspects of the gospel, so that, when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, I was then given a contradiction: choose the church and my faith or choose to have a relationship with someone I'm attracted to. Either choose to be alone for this life (in other words, be celibate), or choose to be alone for eternity (because I will break a commandment and cannot be in God's presence).
And I thought, "I can't believe I'm given these options. This is completely unfair." Which is why a Savior was provided. It is all 'swallowed up' in Christ, as the scriptures say. Christ isn't forcing us to "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" the bitter cup. This isn't some kind of spiritual frat party! The Atonement, rather, is about learning to empty our bitter cup into Christ's. I needed a horrible contradiction of circumstances and commandments to realize what it means to 'rely' on the Atonement. There are bitter cups in both options for me: loneliness for this life or loneliness for eternity. I can't accept either option. Whether it's just stubbornness or lack of faith, I just can't accept either. So instead, I will turn to the Third Option and simply empty both bitter cups into Christ's and accept His requirements. And you know what? It's removed my personal guilt, shame, and demeaning self-worth that I had. It's still tough at church to be sure, surrounded by others who honestly feel my only option is to chug the bitter cup and remain celibate, but the important thing is I know what Christ wants me to do. I can be in a relationship, and experience that wonderful part of this life...but only if I help others realize that they also need to empty their bitter cups into Christ's, just like I am learning to do. And I am totally cool with that.
I know it's common to assume the two commandments in the Garden were contradictory, but we don't know what further instructions were coming to Adam and Eve.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. I suppose. But when we start to speculate to that extent, eventually any sort of gospel understanding breaks down. Once you say, "well Adam and Eve may have had more clarification that we dont know about," we could start to say the same thing about any passage, including, for example, Sodom and Gomorrah or Leviticus 18:22.
DeleteLuckily, I can rely on other arguments to refute the common understanding of those particular passages. :)
Anyone could use your argument to refute probably anything in scripture. I mean, we really are missing quite a lot of the sum total of Jesus' words...we honestly have precious little. One could always say...well, we don't have a lot of what he said, so therefore...
So, rather than speculate about anything that MAY have been said, we have to stick with what we do have.